Zits aren't fun. Or so the general attitude goes. No one admires a good zit the way you marvel at a perfectly sculpted nose or cheekbone. But for a small group of people, acne isn't just a mini volcano of pus, it's a beautiful bump of love juice.
As the market expands for pornography, more and more fetish videos are being produced, specializing in those niche markets. Fetishists can find movies with women vomiting on each other, and then eating it. Or maybe you're more up for watching folks take refreshing golden showers. And of course, who wouldn't enjoy a good shit-eating video? Naturally, it was only a matter of time before someone saw the goldmine lurking in the acnephilia market.
Many videos are now being produced, such as the recent Pus Poppin' Forefingers. For 90 minutes this film follows the adventures of Pizza Face Joe and Polly, whose tits are covered with zits. Pizza Face is an 18-year-old high school drop-out who's working hard at the local McDonald's in Bayonne, NJ, trying to earn an honest living to support his Magic the Gathering hobby. We learn that he started as an intern at age 15, and quickly worked his way up to the fry machine — where he has full access to vats of grease. When no one's looking, he occasionally dips his face in, then rubs the grease in with a greasy towel. One day he meets Polly, a 20-something vixen who was just transferred from Denver, CO to be the head cashier. Back in Denver, Polly was legendary for her agility with the register and soda machine, sometimes handling both at once. After work one night, Polly and Pizza Face decide to walk home together. A romance is budding. Polly invites Pizza Face inside, and they head straight to the bedroom. She turns on a bright lamp, and starts examining Pizza Face's face. The camera zooms in real tight, giving viewers a good close-up of Pizza Face's horrid cystic acne. Mounds of pus are just waiting to explode, like little time bombs ticking away. Polly takes a hand and gently caresses the contours of Pizza's face. They stare each other in the eyes. Pizza then takes Polly's other finger and brings it up to his face. She takes it from there, bringing her forefingers together, and giving the most monstrous zit a good, hard squeeze. Blammo! It spurts white goodness all over her face! Blood then seeps out. They grab a bit of tissue and dab it on the opened crater. Polly then aims for another. "I want your warm, white, milky pus in my mouth!" she says in her most sexy whisper. With that, she puts her mouth to his face and squeezes off another pimple with her teeth. Pizza Face then rips off her shirt and discovers a motherload of pulsating passion pimplies, plus a couple nipples. But who wants to see those? Pizza Face buries his head in her cleavage and starts moving his tongue over her tiny curvaceous bubbles of joy, licking softly, popping any that may be ripe, then sucking out the pus, like a straw in a milkshake. This sort of thing continues in a variety of settings: cars, rooftops, kitchens, beaches, and even gyms (where Pizza Face leaves quite a mess on the bench press —always wear a hat to the gym).
Watching this video was not pleasant for me. Mainly because acnephilia just isn't my game. It doesn't turn me on. So I went back to the video store to find some true acnephiliacs and ask them what it was that turned them on. For a while, none came in. I killed some time by reading boxes of other films, like the two-hour bondage flick Pimple Gimps and the music video-esque Squeeze a Little, Please a Little. Then I talked to the cashier guy for a few minutes. He said he was more of a rash and wart man. He explained how sexy a good rash can be, and how you never know where and how big it's going to spread. It's that element of mystery that floats his boat. I recommended reading Sherlock Holmes, but he said he didn't read much. Finally, a mildly oily fellow walked in — who I'll call Horatio — and picked up a copy of Pus Poppin' Forefingers. I told him that was a good one, and he was delighted to hear it. Realizing we were quick buddies, I asked what kind of zits he liked, hoping to draw some good, juicy material out of him. "My favorite is the big, red kind that festers on the back," Horatio said. "Guy or girl, I don't care, I just want to sit back there and squeeze. Sometimes I'll put on some Oxy first, just for taste. It gives the pimple some real zing. You know, popping, is just like — it's like grooming, like the apes do. There's something primeval about it. And then when it finally pops, I sop up all the gushing goods with my tongue." At that point Horatio seemed to think he'd said too much. So I said, "Yeah, me too." That set him at ease. Then he went on: "The ass is a great place too. They can get pretty big down there. Especially on a big ass. I usually make my partner sit on pizzas, and squish around for a bit. In a few days, it's paydirt." This time I didn't feign agreement. Because that was really just a little nasty. Even the cashier was a little mortified. We both gave him a look and made him feel real bad. But then we felt bad, so I said, "How about the genitals?" and then the cashier said, "What about the inside of the thigh? It's very tender in there." Horatio smiled, said he liked it wherever, and scurried out. I gave the cashier a look too, because from the grin on his face, I knew he was thinking of rashes spreading from the genitals down to the thigh. Then I gave him the finger and left.
I haven't eaten at McDonald's or a had a slice of pizza since.