19th century New Zealanders ate prisoners. Cannibalistic Kiwis.
M&M's were made in 1940 so US soldiers wouldn't get their hands sticky. Masturbation couldn't be controlled.
When you're tired, sleep is best. Forget about gymnastics.
If you look in a mirror, and you're ugly, don't say, "Damn, I'm ugly." Fix yourself up.
In most places, it's considered bad etiquette to spit on other people.
The great thing about shoes is, it doesn't matter which one you put on first.
Calculators are really terrific for math, but worthless pieces of shit when it comes to history.
If you take a hammer, and start smashing your finger, then stick it in a blender, it's gonna hurt.
Do people with testicular elephantiasis end up with rickets too?
You can't deny that fresh vegetables are healthy. Fresh maggots are a whole different story.
All homeless persons should add windows and garden gnomes to make their boxes seem homier.
Any woman buying stretch pants size 16 or larger should be issued a matching cape.
People who talk in movies should be gagged and placed in the company of crying babies.
All subway beggars should be required to spend their first dollar earned on new underpants.
Galligaskins are men's trousers. As The Gap says, Everyone in Galligaskins.
Do you know where uncle's doodle goes?
If rain is God peeing, has he just been saving up a real big shit for thousands of years?
Sometimes, when your stomach hurts and you really can't wait to find a toilet, it's best to hold it.
Scissors and ears don't mix. Take peanut butter and jelly, and now you're talkin'.
The worst thing about a bullet to the head isn't the noise, it's the death.
Flowers make people happy. Especially people who sell flowers.
I won't pretend to know everything if you won't pretend to be a flying muskrat.
I don't know a whole lot about Pringles, but so far that's been okay.
If you had diarrhea of the mouth, how much good could a mint really do?
All in all, it's best to leave your shoes on at rest stop restrooms.
Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine with all the chickens?
Some people put up with a lot of shit. Could be too many prunes.
How often do you get to see a small armadillo play harmonica on a bucket?
Yo-yos are great toys. Staple guns aren't.
When hair starts sprouting from places it shouldn't, well, it's pretty nasty.
One thing that would make me like spiders more would be if they didn't have legs.
Backwash does not support Menudo.
The big difference between Newsweek and porn is nudity and news. Then there's other things too.
From the bottoms of pages in Backwash #15